I hung up the phone and sat for a moment in disbelief. “Lord, please help me. I can’t do this alone.” On the front porch, my daughters were anticipating their father’s arrival and I would soon watch their hopes melt into tears. He wasn’t coming and this would not be their last disappointment.

The cancelled weekends, forgotten birthdays, missed events, and lack of phone calls would go on for years. As the reluctant messenger of bad news, I continually found myself with a broom and dustpan trying to pick up the shattered pieces of my daughters’ hearts. 

Broken promises of an absent parent can lead to deep insecurity and confusion within a child. While one parent cannot control the other’s actions, we can shape a child’s understanding and response to disappointment.

Through the years, I’ve discovered ways to offer my daughters security for today and hope for the future. Consider these 6 principles as you guide your own children:

1. Speak the truth in love. While anger and frustration may be justified, avoid the temptation to voice complaints in front of your children. When conveying difficult news, speak the truth with gentle compassion.

2. Give children a voice. Listen attentively. Helping your children to identify and express their feelings, both positive and negative, validates their experiences. Teach healthy ways to express frustration, anger, sadness, and loss. Share also in their joy and excitement when the other parent fulfills promises.

3. Model forgiveness. While often difficult for protective parents, modeling forgiveness encourages children to take a crucial step toward healing. Forgiveness does not imply tolerance; but rather provides a tangible lesson in the grace and mercy found in Jesus. 

4. Avoid over-compensation. When your children are hurting, you may feel the need to offer immediate relief through gifts and elaborate attention. Instead, offer unconditional love and support, giving your children the priceless gift of stability.

5. Balance expectations with reality. The needs and expectations of children often exceed the reality of what a parent can offer. Discussing and accepting these differences can open their heart to receive the abundant and overflowing love of God. He alone can fill the voids left behind.

6. Stand in God’s abiding love and truth. Cover your children in prayer and immerse them in God’s word. Trust your family to His provision and grace. Assure your children that, although a parent may let them down, God never will. Affirm God’s character. Reminding your children of God’s perfect nature can open their hearts to His abundant love.

With the first disappointment, I offered a simple but desperate prayer. “Lord, please help me. I can’t do this alone.”  The Lord never intended for me to do it on my own.

“He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.”
-Isaiah 40:11.  

In time, I learned to put down the broom and dustpan and trust in God’s strength, healing, and guidance.  He, in turn, picked up the broken pieces of our lives and restored a beautiful, whole, and secure family.   

l

Your Story:

How do you support your children through disappointments?
Use this question for personal reflection or comment publicly below. To send a private message, click HERE.