This is a confession.

I am the worst kind of writer.

At least, that is what I told myself during a severe bout of writer's block several years ago. Writer's block forced the pen out of my hand, rendering me wordless and full of confusion. I questioned my talent, resolve, and ability. I considered abandoning my dream and succumbing to the simple “fact” that I wasn’t good enough.

I’m certainly not alone in this experience. A simple Google search for “writer’s block” will bring up thousands of articles on causes, strategies, and psychological explanations. Some believe it is borne of laziness or inability. Others believe it is due to ineffective writing skills. And some believe it is an experience every writer must go through.

In my opinion, writer’s block is borne out of the human frailties of self-doubt and fear.

Self-doubt is the screaming, inner voice that tries to convince you to give up. “It's too hard. You’re not meant for this. You're not talented enough.”

And fear is the quiet, pervasive voice that says the war is over before you’ve begun to fight. “Who are you kidding? Quit before everyone realizes you’re a fraud. Don’t embarrass yourself. What will everyone think? Who do you think you are to believe you have something to say?”

To my writer friends, I encourage you to not believe a word of it. Fight the battle. Tell yourself the truth. Get ink on the page because this is a battle that can be won.

Below is an excerpt from my journal during my bout of writer's block. Written during a private moment of reflection, it is raw with despair and hope. I offer this intimate look into my writing life to encourage you. You are not alone. The words will come. Don't give up your pen.

I am the worst kind of writer. There. I said it first. I've been found out, but not because of a critique or observation from a reader in passing. I've been found out because I stepped away from the concealing shadows and admitted it.

I am the worst king of writer because… I am not writing!

I profess to love the craft. Yet, I do not write. I have hundreds of little characters running around my head, waiting to tell their stories to young ears. Yet, I do not write. Instead, I fret. I moan. I complain about not writing.

I wake each morning with a steadfast resolve to write, only to succumb to the distractions and imposed urgencies of others. I am a writer who tries to write final drafts at the first go, in fear of being found out to be a poor writer. I am a writer who creates lists and organizational plans in order to write efficiently and effectively, but doesn't use the plans to actually write.

I am the worst kind of writer because I torture myself with the dreams of having written. I run my fingers along the spines of books borne of similar dreams. I look at them with awe and wonder and longing and yet, I do not write.

What is this war between words and pride that wages within my mind? A war in which doubt slays creativity and fear kills determination? There is land I was given, a place to call my own, but the road is strewn with the bloody remains of inspiration, belief, and calling.

"Get up!" I say. "Fight this battle, for I do not want to live in the land of fear and regret."

Yes. I am the worst kind of writer. But there, in that admission, I find my first glimmer of hope.

I called myself a writer.
Not a "wanna be writer".
Not "someone who writes, but isn't published". 
I called myself a writer.

That is who I am and who I have always been. Even if I am the worst kind, it is a beginning.

I am a writer- the worst kind of writer- but I am growing and putting a bit of ink on the page and perhaps someday, I will become a better kind of writer.

And THAT was the cure. The moment I defined myself as a “writer,” I realized I had the perseverance and grit to get ink on the page and hone my craft. While I still struggled (and continue to struggle) to find my words in a timely manner, I no longer feared the blank page. The words came and eventually, I realized I had enough scrappy, revision-stained pages to create a book.

Don’t give up, writer friends. Pick up your pen and turn on your computer. Scribble on a napkin, if you have to. Get your words out because you are a WRITER and YOUR STORY MATTERS.

l

Your Story:

What strategies do you use to combat writer’s block? Are there any bible verses or author quotes that help you?
Use these questions for personal reflection or comment publicly below. To send a private message, click HERE.