The Hidden Poverty of Middle-Class Single Mothers
All my years of theatrical acting experience did not prepare me for the show I put on that day. Most of the time, I was a master illusionist, able to transform my furrowed, single-momma brow into a display of peace and contentment. But that day was different, and I prayed I wouldn’t bump into anyone familiar, as my carefully manufactured facade would have surely crumbled at the smallest provocation.
To the other shoppers, I was just a mom, shopping for groceries with her daughters. No one knew my purse contained all the money I had in the world— $12 and with it, I had to buy two weeks of food and laundry detergent.
No one knew the times my daughters and I ate a cold dinner by candlelight because our electricity was shut off for non-payment, or that the county had rejected my application for childcare assistance and food stamps because I made $300 over the yearly income limit.
No one knew the fear that prevented me from legally pursuing the child support my children deserved. No one knew I had broken down in prayer a week earlier, pleading with God for help and confessing my financial failures, fears, and inadequacies. No one saw the fistful of change I put in the offering basket that Sunday to show God I trusted Him with all I had.
No one knew, but God did.
The shoppers just pushed their overflowing carts past us without notice and for that, I was thankful.
“I am nothing but skin and bones.” -Job 19:20
Let’s be real here. No one has ever accused me of being “skin and bones,” as my dress size would attest. While I struggled as a single mother to provide for my family’s basic needs, we never knew a day of real hunger. We had regular access to shelter, food, water, clothing, transportation, employment, education, technology, utilities, and medical care. If we lacked any basic need, it was usually temporary.
By the numbers, my single-parent family fit within the classification of “lower-middle class.” But the threat of falling into “situational poverty,” however, loomed every day. Situational poverty occurs when an unexpected crisis or demand depletes one’s limited financial resources, causing them to fall temporarily below the poverty line and lose access to basic necessities. Factors contributing to the situational poverty of a single mother might include underemployment or loss of employment, lack of child support, lawyer fees, illness or medical emergency, vehicle repairs, Christmas and birthdays, back-to-school supplies and clothes, and the payments or fees associated with mismanaged finances.
Like many middle-class single mothers, I frequently experienced secret falls into situational poverty. It was not uncommon for my bank account to be nearly emptied by the third week of each month, leaving almost nothing for food and gas for the following weeks. When payday finally arrived, I immediately spent money on food, rent, utilities, and gas to regain a sense of security. This vicious cycle repeated month after month, year after year, leaving me in a constant state of need, vulnerability, instability, and desperation—leaving me as “skin and bones.”
At some point, after I had grown weary enough, I defined myself as poor; and the world as a place of scarcity. I took this belief into my spirit, allowing its tendrils to wrap themselves around each area of my life, and soon everything seemed of short supply. Money. Love. Ability. Grace. Beauty. Knowledge. Time. Sleep. Joy. Friends. Faith. Blessings. This mindset not only tainted my perception of the world, but also of God as my provider, and served as a form of bondage that prevented me from embracing His life of abundance.
“I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” -John 10:10
In my poverty, I questioned God’s faithfulness, concern, and knowledge of my situation. After all, how could God, who holds the riches of both heaven and earth, possibly comprehend need? He might see our poverty from afar, as one views the moon through a telescope, but does He know how it feels? And if He did understand, why wasn’t He doing anything about it? That is when I began asking, “God, where ARE you in this?”
In response, Jesus led me to His cross.
Often known as the Great Exchange, Jesus’ death on the cross served as an atoning sacrifice for our sins, giving us salvation and a new life in Him. He not only took on our sin in exchange for His righteousness, but He also took on our poverty in exchange for His riches.
For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for your sake, he became poor, so that you through his poverty might become rich.”
-2 Corinthians 8:9
When Jesus died on the cross, He was:
Hungry: “I have eagerly desired to eat this Passover with you before I suffer. For I tell you, I will not eat it again until it finds fulfillment in the kingdom of God.” -Luke 22:15–16
Thirsty: “I am thirsty.” -John 19:28
Naked: “When the soldiers crucified Jesus, they took his clothes, dividing them into four shares, one for each of them.” -John 19:23
Abandoned: “About three in the afternoon Jesus cried out in a loud voice, “Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?” (which means “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”)
-Matthew 27:46
And being laid to rest in a borrowed tomb, He was homeless. “Foxes have dens and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head ” -Matthew 8:20
Jesus chose to carry our poverty into the grave so that we might receive His glorious riches. If we believe the Word of God is true, we have no reason to carry the Spirit of Poverty within us any longer. Jesus paid our debt and said, “It is finished.” -John 19:30
When I finally laid down my Spirit of Poverty at the foot of the cross and received a Spirit of Abundance in exchange, it was as though a curtain had been lifted from my eyes. Instead of pleading, “God, where ARE you in this?” I found myself marveling, “Oh God, I SEE YOU in this!” His abundance was evident.
This new perspective had nothing to do with financial stability. God did not pay off my debt or buy a house or give me a winning lotto ticket. He did not always answer my prayers in the way I hoped, and quite honestly, I still struggled to provide for my family. But instead of focusing on the sparse supply of food in the refrigerator, my daughters and I thanked God for the abundance on our plate. Instead of feeling panic when I checked my bank account balance, I found security knowing my Provider was near.
Although I didn’t realize it until much later, my daughters received the greatest gift found in God’s abundance—a new legacy. For their mother no longer engaged the world with the empty hands of a beggar, but as one whose hands overflowed with God’s abundance. And children always know what’s in their momma’s hands.
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Your Story:
Have you ever experienced situational poverty? Did it leave you with a “spirit of poverty?” If so, what practical or spiritual strategies did you use to combat this? If you haven’t experienced it, how can you come alongside someone who is?
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